Attachment parenting or Montessori at home?

The difference between Attachment parenting and Montessori at home is mostly one axis: doing it themselves. Attachment parenting sits a little toward doing it for them while they are small; Montessori at home sits firmly toward letting them do it badly, from early. They agree, more than most people expect, on consequences. Neither is the correct one. What follows is what each asks of a parent, and where the difference actually shows up on a Tuesday.

Attachment parenting

You read distress as information rather than as behaviour, and you answer it quickly. The early years are physically close — carrying, contact, sleeping within reach — on the view that a child who is confident of the answer stops needing to ask. Limits arrive later and more gently than in most approaches, because the relationship is doing the work that rules do elsewhere.

What it asks of you

A great deal of physical availability, most of it yours
Tolerance for being needed at night, for years rather than months
Comfort with putting your own sleep and time second for a long stretch
A willingness to be told you are making a rod for your own back, and to carry on

Montessori at home

The environment does the teaching. Everything a child needs is within reach and their size, the day has a firm shape, and the adult's main job is to observe and not interrupt. A long stretch of concentration is treated as the most valuable thing happening in the house. "Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed" is meant literally, and it is the hardest instruction in this instrument to actually follow.

What it asks of you

Setting the house up for a small person, and resetting it as they grow
Genuinely not interrupting, including to help and including to praise
Order — the method does not survive a chaotic room
Some money, or a great deal of ingenuity, for the materials

Side by side

Where they differ

Attachment parenting is the filled marker, Montessori at home the hollow one. Widest difference first.

A1Doing it themselves

doing it for them while they are smallletting them do it badly, from early

Attachment parenting sits a little toward doing it for them while they are small; Montessori at home sits firmly toward letting them do it badly, from early.

D1Structure

we take the day as it comesa predictable rhythm and clear rules

Attachment parenting sits toward we take the day as it comes; Montessori at home sits toward a predictable rhythm and clear rules.

R1Response to distress

let them work through itstep in and settle them straight away

Attachment parenting sits firmly toward step in and settle them straight away; Montessori at home sits a little toward let them work through it.

R3Physical closeness

their own space, earlycarried, close, sleeping near us

Attachment parenting sits firmly toward carried, close, sleeping near us; Montessori at home sits between the two.

D4Praise and rewards

describing what is therepraising and rewarding freely

Attachment parenting sits between the two; Montessori at home sits firmly toward describing what is there.

C1Consistency that can be heldwhat your life allows

it varies — by the day, and by who is onthe same line every time

Attachment parenting sits a little toward it varies — by the day, and by who is on; Montessori at home sits toward the same line every time.

G2Whose needs count

the child's needs come first, alwaysthe adults in the house count too

Attachment parenting sits toward the child's needs come first, always; Montessori at home sits between the two.

R2Behaviour or feeling

what they didwhat is underneath it

Attachment parenting sits toward what is underneath it; Montessori at home sits between the two.

G1Where guidance comes from

instinct and observationresearch, books, a named method

Attachment parenting sits between the two; Montessori at home sits toward research, books, a named method.

A2Risk

removing the hazardletting them meet it

Attachment parenting sits a little toward removing the hazard; Montessori at home sits a little toward letting them meet it.

D2Who decides

we work it out with themthe adults decide, and explain

Attachment parenting sits toward we work it out with them; Montessori at home sits between the two.

Where they agree

Usually more than the argument between them suggests.

Consequences. Both sit toward no imposed consequences at all.

Neither of these is the correct one

Which fits depends on what you value and on what your week actually allows — and the second of those is the half nobody writes about. The questionnaire scores both.

See which one you are already doing