Attachment parenting or Collaborative problem solving?

The difference between Attachment parenting and Collaborative problem solving is mostly one axis: physical closeness. Attachment parenting sits firmly toward carried, close, sleeping near us; Collaborative problem solving sits between the two. They agree, more than most people expect, on behaviour or feeling, expectation and consequences. Neither is the correct one. What follows is what each asks of a parent, and where the difference actually shows up on a Tuesday.

Attachment parenting

You read distress as information rather than as behaviour, and you answer it quickly. The early years are physically close — carrying, contact, sleeping within reach — on the view that a child who is confident of the answer stops needing to ask. Limits arrive later and more gently than in most approaches, because the relationship is doing the work that rules do elsewhere.

What it asks of you

A great deal of physical availability, most of it yours
Tolerance for being needed at night, for years rather than months
Comfort with putting your own sleep and time second for a long stretch
A willingness to be told you are making a rod for your own back, and to carry on

Collaborative problem solving

Greene's premise is that challenging behaviour is a skill problem rather than a motivation problem, so incentives aim at the wrong thing. You list the specific situations that reliably go wrong, and then solve each one with the child — in a calm moment, never in the middle of it — until you find a solution you can both actually live with. It is the most procedural approach here and the most demanding on the adult in advance.

What it asks of you

Doing the work when nothing is going wrong, which is when nobody feels like it
Hearing your child's concern all the way out before offering yours
Letting go of solutions you already had in mind
Keeping a list, literally — the method does not run from memory

Side by side

Where they differ

Attachment parenting is the filled marker, Collaborative problem solving the hollow one. Widest difference first.

R3Physical closeness

their own space, earlycarried, close, sleeping near us

Attachment parenting sits firmly toward carried, close, sleeping near us; Collaborative problem solving sits between the two.

G2Whose needs count

the child's needs come first, alwaysthe adults in the house count too

Attachment parenting sits toward the child's needs come first, always; Collaborative problem solving sits between the two.

C1Consistency that can be heldwhat your life allows

it varies — by the day, and by who is onthe same line every time

Attachment parenting sits a little toward it varies — by the day, and by who is on; Collaborative problem solving sits toward the same line every time.

R1Response to distress

let them work through itstep in and settle them straight away

Attachment parenting sits firmly toward step in and settle them straight away; Collaborative problem solving sits a little toward step in and settle them straight away.

A1Doing it themselves

doing it for them while they are smallletting them do it badly, from early

Attachment parenting sits a little toward doing it for them while they are small; Collaborative problem solving sits a little toward letting them do it badly, from early.

G1Where guidance comes from

instinct and observationresearch, books, a named method

Attachment parenting sits between the two; Collaborative problem solving sits toward research, books, a named method.

D1Structure

we take the day as it comesa predictable rhythm and clear rules

Attachment parenting sits toward we take the day as it comes; Collaborative problem solving sits a little toward a predictable rhythm and clear rules.

D4Praise and rewards

describing what is therepraising and rewarding freely

Attachment parenting sits between the two; Collaborative problem solving sits toward describing what is there.

Where they agree

Usually more than the argument between them suggests.

Behaviour or feeling. Both sit toward what is underneath it.
Expectation. Both sit toward their own pace, no push.
Consequences. Both sit toward no imposed consequences at all.
How full the week is. Both sit a little toward unstructured time, boredom is fine.

Neither of these is the correct one

Which fits depends on what you value and on what your week actually allows — and the second of those is the half nobody writes about. The questionnaire scores both.

See which one you are already doing